cat lover’s dictionary

Here's a cat dictionary full of feline wisdom and humor!

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**A**

- **Abyssinian** *(noun)*: A breed of cat known for looking like they’re planning to overthrow humanity, while actually just plotting how to reach that one forbidden shelf.

**B**

- **Blepp** *(noun)*: The adorable act of a cat sticking out its tongue just a little, usually resulting in humans squealing, cooing, and maybe taking a hundred photos.

- **Box** *(noun)*: A sacred structure that exists solely for the occupancy of cats, regardless of its size or intended purpose. Example: “If I fits, I sits.”

**C**

- **Catloaf** *(noun)*: The serene shape a cat takes when it tucks its paws underneath its body, resembling a perfect loaf of bread. Ideal state for optimal human admiration.

- **Claws** *(noun)*: Built-in Swiss army knives that cats deploy for climbing, scratching, and occasionally, just reminding you who's boss.

**D**

- **Dinner Time** *(noun)*: A continuous 24-hour span, punctuated by frantic meowing, accusing stares, and relentless ankle nudges.

**E**

- **Escape Artist** *(noun)*: A cat skilled in slipping through doors, windows, or any tiny gap, often into forbidden areas or outside, only to panic and demand re-entry.

**F**

- **Furniture** *(noun)*: Expensive, carefully selected décor intended by humans for sitting or lounging but primarily serving as scratching posts, hair depositories, and obstacle courses for cats.

**G**

- **Gift** *(noun)*: Anything dead, semi-dead, or imaginary that your cat lovingly deposits by your feet. Usually follows the mantra, “It’s the thought that counts.”

**H**

- **Hairball** *(noun)*: A magical creation that appears unexpectedly on carpets, rugs, or your favorite furniture, courtesy of your cat’s self-grooming efforts.

**I**

- **Ignore** *(verb)*: To selectively pretend not to see or hear their human, particularly when their name is called, unless they hear a can opening.

**J**

- **Jump Scare** *(verb)*: The act of a cat randomly leaping out from behind furniture, curtains, or boxes to “attack” humans. Best observed when you're least expecting it.

**K**

- **Knead** *(verb)*: A rhythmic paw-pressing on humans, often interpreted as a sign of affection or cat massage but actually a ritual for channeling ancient, mysterious cat magic.

**L**

- **Laser Pointer** *(noun)*: A mythical dot that appears and disappears at will, never to be caught, though many a cat has tried. Considered the most elusive prey.

**M**

- **Meow** *(noun)*: A multi-purpose form of communication used by cats to express everything from “feed me” to “worship me” to “I might love you.”

**N**

- **Nap** *(noun)*: A 16-hour process divided into 20-minute segments spread out over various sunbeams, couches, and human laps.

**O**

- **Owner** *(noun)*: A term humans mistakenly use to describe their role in a cat’s life. See: *Servant*.

**P**

- **Purr** *(verb)*: A rumbling sound emitted by a content cat, often interpreted by humans as a sign of love but actually a subtle power move to gain more treats.

**Q**

- **Queen** *(noun)*: (1) A female cat; (2) What all cats think they are.

**R**

- **Running at 3 A.M.** *(verb)*: The sacred feline tradition of sprinting through the house at high speeds in the dead of night, often while yowling, as if escaping invisible enemies.

**S**

- **Stare** *(verb)*: A prolonged gaze with unblinking eyes directed at humans, commonly used to hypnotize humans into providing treats, or to convey existential feline wisdom.

**T**

- **Tail Flick** *(verb)*: A subtle movement of the tail to signal displeasure, impatience, or a warning before claws may be deployed. Often observed when humans try to pet against the fur’s natural direction.

**U**

- **Upside Down** *(adjective)*: The position a cat adopts to trick humans into thinking belly rubs are welcome. Beware: most of these displays end with claws.

**V**

- **Vet** *(noun)*: A mysterious, terrible place where cats are subjected to poking, prodding, and betrayal. Humans must pay for both the vet and the lifelong grudge.

**W**

- **Water Dish** *(noun)*: A bowl filled with water that is completely ignored in favor of drinking from a leaky faucet, human glass, or any inconvenient source.

**Y**

- **Yowl** *(verb)*: A plaintive, often dramatic sound that signals hunger, existential crises, or demands for immediate attention in the dead of night.

**Z**

- **Zoomies** *(noun)*: Sudden bursts of energy that compel a cat to race through the house at lightning speed. Known to be contagious among other cats and sometimes dogs.

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Hope you enjoy this peek into the lexicon of cat life!